Friends and Life...

I have been thinking a lot about the people in my life currently and how much they all mean to me. I have a few people in my life that mean the world to me. I wish there was a way I could truly express what they mean to me and how much i really do appreciate them.

I have some of the best of friends a girl could ask for. They have stood by me through thick and thin, they have been there when i needed to vent, cry, laugh, or just needed someone to talk to.

I have been meeting a lot of new people and it has been quite the adventure. I am finding out so much more about myself and also being reminded of who i am and how much I truly love the fact that I care about people. I used to say, well still do say that sometimes i care to much but i do believe my thoughts about that have changed. Sure some people take advantage at the fact I'm a nice girl to benefit somehow. But the only reason why it ever bothered me before or would tear me down is because i would allow it to. But now i look at it a whole new way, I care because caring feels good. I am happy with the person i am on the inside and out at the end of everyday. Caring about people also gives the people that need it a chance to feel loved and needed. Something that I hope to feel someday and someday soon. I strongly believe "Treat others how you want to be treated" Until given a reason not to anyway.

“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” - Buddha
I live my life by this quote and so far it has done nothing but good things to me.

I Love everyone in my life in one way or another. I wish that some of them i could see more often others i could spend just a little bit more time with, and others i wish i never have to say goodbye to. To all of my friends and family I Love You! <3

Since being reminded of who I am deep inside, the person that has been buried because living my life or trying to survive my crazy life has taken over my life, I have reconsidered what career I want to work on. Or well reminded of what I am truly passionate about and I have a game plan to get there.

First thing is first starting school, I am still going to go finish Dental Assisting and become a Dental Assistant. It is a great way for me to make a great enough income to provide for myself and my children on my own. Since I am the only person i can rely on 100% to make sure that gets done. Once I am finished with that then I will get a job helping others, sitting aside a dentist assisting in making beautiful smiles :) 3rd Find a place to live. This is my biggest goal at the moment. I want my children to have their own rooms a place where they can have peace, can play with there things and not get in the way of others. A place they can go to get away from the world if they need to. Once I get settled into our new home then I will build my credit to be perfect. So i can apply for a student loan to a wonderful school to study psychology, the mind, power to thoughts, and relationships between people. The Mind is amazing to me it is my passion learning how to direct or guide the mind to do and be powerful.

And if the universe wants to throw in more wonderful relationships whether it be friends or romantic, then i am completely open and ready for it. So bring it on world here I come and with the thoughts in my mind nothing will be able to stop me. I always get what I want because I am strong enough to work for it and make it happen.

Thank you to all the people in my life helping me, It would be damn near impossible without you. Thanks to those that watch my kids, to those that love me, care about me, and to those that remind me of who i am and have helped me to realise I want to be better. So I will be better.

Sorry if this rambled, Just got thinking, thinking so much I can't go to sleep! But thanks for reading and soon I will have more to share. Not a day goes by in my life where something eventful happens. I love my life <3

P.s. somewhere in the mix of all that, I will have some material good enough to get published :)

Change Has Come

Well a lot has changed for me in so many good ways! Its amazing how easily things change for the better when you allow them to. Mike did move out in January it was a lot more emotional then i was expecting. But the emotions were short lived. I now have realized that those emotions weren't because he was leaving but because I was scared of change, scared to be alone, scared to be doing everything by myself, not knowing if anyone would ever care for me the way I care about them.

After that I realised that I only need to care about making sure I love me, I need to love myself to be able to better my self for my kids.

A lot has changed since I last posted, I found a career path I want to follow. Its crazy how this opportunity just fell into my lap basically. I took Andrew to the dentist and while I was there I saw a fylier about an 8 week program for Dental Assisting. I have never considered a career in the dental field. I through that idea out the window because I hate going to the dentist. But knowing i needed some change I considered it and the idea grew on me so I looked into it more. Class starts April 13th and I can't wait!!
Its a hands on program Day 1 I will be beside the dentist getting my hands dirty so to speak, I'm super nervous about that since I have never done anything like this. But after the 8 weeks I will be able to go out and get work and I will be able to stand out over other students because I have hands on experience. I'm super excited. Dental Assistants make about 30k a year full time! That type of money will put me in a good place to better care for my babies and I! I can't wait to get our own place so my babies can have their own rooms which is much needed right now!

I also been looking for a job to help make things easier for us until I finish school. I got a job interview yesterday and was offered the job on the spot. It was Pretty cool but they wanted me to start tonight! I still have to get my Food Handlers permit, the right pants and shoes before I can start. Since I was unable to get everything ready in time for today I almost lost the job before i could even start. I am not sure how she thinks I am supposed to get all that done without money (hence needing a job) and get babysitting lined up. But I think I got it all ready for tomorrow thanks to the loving support of my family. I don't know what I would do with out them.

I don't need this job but it would be nice to have the extra income. So if things don't work out tomorrow or if i make to much and my kids lose their insurance, or she still hates me it won't be the end of the world in 3 months i will be in my career with my own insurance for my kids and won't need that job anymore anyway. I have never worked as a server before but at least i don't have to take orders, just serve drinks!! Should be good.

Emmalyn is 5 months and 5 days old. She is starting to roll over and loves to talk and eat her hands and toes. She is amazing and brightens up my day. It is so wonderful to be able to watch my babies interact with each other. They way she gets excited when Andrew walks into the room the gugu eyes she has when he talks to her and plays with her. She is also fascinated by my dad. All he has to do is walk in the room and her face lights up.




Andrew is almost 3 1/2 years old, its crazy how time flies. He is more independent then ever. He loves to help me with his sister and is very protective of her. Making sure her Binky and blanket are always by her side. Its almost like he feels he is the man of the family now and has to take care of us. Its adorable. He is starting to sing all the time, he can recognise songs from the radio and sing lines almost word for word. He is growing up so fast and turning into his own person, i love watching him grow, experience and learn new things on his own!




Flu season is the worst both kids got sick with RSV. Luckily they didn't end up in the hospital and are doing a lot better. But that's some tiring scary stuff. Its hard having to keep them in the house at all times until they are all better. It means I can't leave until i have someone else home to sit with them.

All in All Change has been a wonderful thing for my family and I!

More to share tomorrow, goodnight!

Time for Change

What better way to start a new year then to change everything about your life! Change is such a huge part of life and its time I learn to embrace it. Allowing life to change will help me find my way to true happiness!

Well I guess Mike moved out yesterday. His stuff is still here but he told me that he isn't coming back after leaving to Brigham to see his mom and hang out with his friend. I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. I am really excited to be on my own again and to only try and please myself. But at the same time He is all I have known for the past 6 years. So it will take some time to get used to only needed my opinion on things. It will take awhile to get used to having my bed to myself and only my kids to talk to during the day. Its a little depressing but I will stay strong I need to for myself and especially for my kids.

I care for Mike deeply and I always will. He has been a huge part of my life and given me the worlds greatest gifts, our children. He is a great guy and a wonderful father. I hope that through this Journey that we will be taking without each other we can continue to be friends not only for our babies but for us. I still Love him and that will never change. This new life adventure is only going to help us each grow into stronger individuals and that is exactly what we need to do before either of us can take the next step in life whatever it may be.

I have had the opportunity to reconnect with old friends and meet new ones lately and I have been having a blast doing it. I am much happier now that I am focused on myself and I will continue to draw people into my life. I can never have to many friends.

Keep your eyes on me and you will see me grow so much more in this next year then I have for the past few years. I am much more confident and I feel on top of the world. I am going to accomplish everything that I want to this year! I just have to figure out what all that is! :)

Happy 2011!! Accept change, although at times it will be a hard. There is always something bigger and better to come!!